Wednesday, 2 January 2013

Re-post: Another Blank Page

So, the beginning of a New Year.

Full of potential, hope, possibilities. 

A little bit oppressive, like a blank page. I used to do a lot of drawing, years ago, and I stopped because I didn't enjoy it that much.  I used to like that I had drawn a picture, I just didn't like drawing it very much. I was always a bit overwhelmed by a large sheet of white paper and afraid to begin because I might mess it up and waste it. After a while, when the picture was going well, I'd become nervous to carry on lest I make a mistake and spoil it. 

A New Year feels a bit like that. At the moment I'm staring at a large sheet of pristine white paper and I'm not sure where to start.

The only thing that's different is that this year my perspective has changed just a bit. About as much as the difference in the point of view of the person next to me at the theatre - not as much as the person sitting eight rows away, or in the stalls if I'm in the circle; not as much as that. But still, I am closer to acknowledging the following:
  1. I can make a mark on the white sheet of paper and you're proud of me just for making it.
  2. I can make a mistake and all is not lost.
  3. Because of you and your forgiveness there is always another sheet of paper.
  4. If I can learn from the Artist, I might become better at drawing.
  5. If I can learn to let you guide my hand, the marks I make might become more confident.
The thing that sums it up for me I think is that am always, invariably delighted when one of my daughters brings me a drawing that they have done for me. Sometimes they are masterpieces, sometimes not masterpieces, but always done with love and enthusiasm and presented to me as precious. If I can do that for you, this year, Lord God, my Father, then I know that you will pin up my attempts at art on your heavenly noticeboard with the pride of a Daddy whose child is wanting to please them.

Because I do want to please you, God. I want to step out in faith this New Year. I want to make bold marks, make drawings with a steady hand and my eyes fixed on you. I want to create something. I want to leave the world a different place from the way it was before I existed (and in a good way). I want to grow and change. I want to carry on learning how to listen to you, to spend more time in your company and to make more space for you in my heart. 

I want to be more like you.

I know that you don't have only one plan for me; one course of action that is the Right Direction and if I miss a turn, I've blown it forever. I need reminding of this on a regular basis.

I know that there are many junctions in life where you honestly don't mind which direction I take.

I know that you've equipped me with a brain and feelings and an instruction manual and common sense (sometimes) so that I can make wise choices about my direction in life.

But by the same token I also know that I am indecisive and poor at map-reading and not so good at taking directions so I'm asking you to hold my hand and show me the route that might make the most difference. 

I think we can do it together.

So here's to the New Year. 

I trust you, Lord. 



4 comments:

  1. This is a lovely post, Helen. So refreshingly open and honest. It breathes life and optimism, faith and hope for the future because God holds it and us in His loving embrace. A blank sheet/page is scary and exciting all at the same time - pregnant with possibility to mess up, start over, rediscover, begin a new thing. Just like writing really!
    I love the picture you paint of the Father proudly and lovingly pinning your work of art (for such it is) on his noticeboard. The trophy wall of our seemingly minor achievements displayed for Him to marvel at.
    God celebrates each one of us and, as we hold His hand, guides us to become all we can be in Christ in this year and beyond.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Joy! I know people who relish a new start, a new challenge, a change of scene, but I am a creature of habit and routine. I'll be alright in a week or two!
      God bless you this year. May it be a happy and healthy one.

      Delete
  2. An old enemy of mine: perfectionism! I want to remember in a fresh way that a) He's still working on me and b) He loves me. Great post, and Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am a work in progress and no mistake. Thanks Ginger.

    ReplyDelete



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...