Here

Well, let's forget that I'm a little late to the party, but embrace the fact that I'm here at all. 

Today is Friday, which means that many, many people all over the world are tap-tapping away at their keyboards to join in Lisa-Jo Baker's Five Minute Friday party. Each week she posts a prompt word and then anyone who fancies joining in, and can work out how to cut-and-paste the FMF button onto their blog sets a timer for five minutes and just writes whatever profound and inspiring words occur to them. 

My luck, I'll run out of time mid sentence. 

So I'm giving it a go. 

Here

I am not a 'here' person. I'm a 'yesterday' person, and a 'tomorrow' person but rarely here, right now. 

(Oh blimey, that clock is oppressing me).

I am one of those people who often wish for a 'fast-forward' button in life. Things will be better when..... Frequently I need a 'rewind' so I could try something over again, or do it a different way. Sometimes a 'pause',  because I don't want something to slip away from me; occasionally a 'Stop/Eject'  when it all gets just to much. Rarely just 'play'.

Oh, God. I need your help. 

I don't like living life full of regrets and anxieties - I look down the street behind me and littered right and left are things that weren't perfect, mistakes and messes.  Up ahead of me are obstacles and fears lurking in dark alleys and around corners. I watch my two daughters sleep and I worry that I've done and said things that have damaged them; contributed towards the anxious and fearful women they might one day turn into, chips off the old block. 

I want to be a 'here' person. Lord Jesus, I want to see those same two children and take in every detail of the wonder and glory of you, reflected in them. The expressions on their faces, their funny stories, their endless questions. I want to savour the feel of their small hands in mine while they still want to hold my hand. I want to have the energy and confidence to laugh and make things and not worry about the mess. I don't want to be haunted any longer with what might have been, and what still might be.

I want to feel free to be me, right here, right now.

I want to leave behind the debris on the road and walk onwards, swinging my arms. I want to see the flowers by the path ahead and the sunlight streaming through the clouds and not try to see around corners that I might not be called upon to walk round anyway. I want to feel the warm breeze on my back. 

I want to give up the replay and fast forward and just press 'play'. 

And let life unfold, knowing that you are at the controls, not me. 

And you are always here.

*

Alright, five minutes and eleven seconds. And then I did a bit of a tidy of the typos. Is that allowed? 

Here are the rules of Five Minute Friday, for anyone who's inspired to have a go:

Check Lisa-Jo Baker's page for her weekly prompt (this week was 'Here').

Write for five minutes on your own blog and link up with hers using the tool underneath her FMF entry. If I can do it, anyone can, seriously. 

Visit the person before you and pass on a little encouragement, because we all just love to have someone say something nice.

So that's the plan.