Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Your righteous right hand

Today I am going to do better. I will not give in to the fear or the excessive bouts of worrying. I won't. 

Today is bright and sunny. I have some seedlings to plant out now that they are grown up enough to leave the safety of the wonderful greenhouse compost and their comfy little individual 3" pots to fend for themselves in the harsh world of our clay soil where slugs and beetles and cats lurk and other perils await them. When they're out they'll be exposed to all weathers and extremes of temperature and they'll have to work hard to put down roots in the hard soil of the garden but if I don't plant them out they'll never grow much bigger as the pots are only for when they're little and need protecting in a controlled environment. They'll be rootbound soon and then they might not flower. So - it's the wilds of my garden border for them.

I'm sure there's a metaphor there somewhere but I'm not going to probe too closely.

I have to take Katy to the hospital tomorrow. I phoned up to find out where our new appointment might be and was told tomorrow. The results are back. Poor little Katy will come back from a nursery day trip out to find herself whisked away to be prodded and discussed (and, please God, nothing more invasive than that).  She'll be tired and short of patience so please make it straightforward. Please let the results be something non-scary and easy to treat. Whatever it is, please let there be no further need for blood tests. Please help them to diagnose what's wrong and make it better quickly with no lasting problems. Please?

I am pulling myself back from the brink of a maudlin little outburst there. 

That wasn't too bad, was it?

Today, for once, unless anything crops up, I have some time. Wow.

I am going to finish my coffee and do a little gardening. From our garden I can hear the children at playtime in the school playground and I love the happy sound. I wonder if my little Lizzie is shouting or laughing or squealing as she chases round or skips with her skipping rope. (Oh no, she won't be doing that, she's left it at home; I can see it). 

I am going to take my longsuffering Mum out for lunch. 

I am going to finish organising the 'Thankyou' cards that Elizabeth sighs over and then in which she laboriously writes her little message. 

I am going to sort out the box of coathangers that has been hanging around since we moved in here eighteen months ago. 

I am going to watch a little bit of the tennis at Wimbledon. 

I am going to clean the bathroom. 


Well, if anything gets pushed off the end of the day and postponed until another time, that'll be it. 

I haven't got much to say, Lord. I just wanted to check in with you while I was feeling purposeful and positive because these days it could change in an instant. The sun goes in, so to speak, and the rest of my day turns rainy or stormy or just gloomy and deep down I don't always want to give you the grumbles and whinges and tears.

Isaiah 41:10
'So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.'

I trust you, Father God. You've never let me down. I am leaning on you. I feel very flimsy, very unstable and vulnerable. A good gust of wind might blow me over and it's hard to get up again sometimes. I want to claim the promise that you will uphold me with your righteous right hand. I want to shelter from it all by leaning into you like a child with their big, strong Daddy. 

I will not fear because you are with me. I will not be dismayed, for you are my God. With your strength I can do all things. 

Take this right now, Lord, because who knows what this afternoon, or tonight, or tomorrow might bring. Right now I am standing firm and fearless because you are beside me. 

I'm off to plant my little plants now. I'll be gentle. 

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