I will yet praise him

Why are you so downcast, O my soul

Why so disturbed within me?

Put your hope in God

For I will yet praise him

My saviour and my God.

Psalm 42:5

I will yet praise you, my Lord. I feel so miserable and afraid tonight but I will praise you because you are the Lord of Heaven and you are everything. I have nothing without you. 

I'm sorry that sometimes I think that somehow the world needs me to keep it turning and I don't allow you to be you. I know that you love me and you want the best for me. Forgive me for not trusting you with my family. 

You hold the world in your hands; you created everything that is. You are the Almighty. There is nothing you can't do, and yet you love me. You made me. You delight in me as your child. You know my every thought and you still love me.

Here's the thing. I know all that but when I manage to open my clenched fists and place the people I love in your arms I am afraid that you'll drop them. I'm afraid that somehow you don't care about them as much as I do. I'm afraid that somehow you'll do something bad and claim that it's 'good for me'. I'm afraid that I won't like your plan for my life so I try to hang onto the steering wheel myself, as if I can find a better route.  I'm afraid that deep down sometimes I don't believe in the depths of your love for me.

I'm sorry. 

Lord I will praise you because you are worthy of praise.
I will praise you because I am made to bring you praise.
I will praise you because I do love you and my heart still has praise in it.
I will praise you because the little blackbird has been hopping about outside my kitchen window as I've sat here tonight and cried.
I will praise you because you are you and you won't let me down.

Please don't let me down.

Why so downcast, O my soul? 

The God of history loves me. Who can harm me? What can harm me? I am His. Amen.

I haven't the energy to fight tonight, my Lord. I just lay it all down once again, all over again. Here is my heart and all the fear in it. Be gentle. 

I put my hope in you, Lord God. There's nowhere else to put it. 

Bring the sunshine out tomorrow, please. 

I will yet praise you

My Saviour and my God.